my mind is nowadays DISTURBED.

DISTURBED with something that i dont know the source.

its freaky.

GOD please help and guide me to the right path.

i know i've sinned a lot to you,ALLAH s.w.t.

i will always look up to you in both happiness and sorrow.

i regretted.

Labels: ...........

currently nothing to blog.

but im feeling down.

everything seems to be in a mess.

feeling down at the moment.
trying to cheer up but i just cant.
TRYING MY BEST!!!!!!

forced by my dad to delete all those sweet memories from my HP.
photos are to be deleted.
MESSAGES too.
haiz.

how am i going to prove them wrong???

Labels: HARAP-less

i can never be a good person in life.

i can never be a good MUSLIM,
BIG brother,
FILIAL son,
BOYFRIEND,
and etc.

i regretted doing all that i've done so far.

my mum called her.
i cant do anything but just stand at a corner and CRY

and now my hp are taken away.
i can no longer contact her.
my hp is gone.
my old hp keep unable to receive RECEPTION.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

my mind is blank.
maybe we are not fated to be together now.

but no matter what,
SEE YOU ON THE 6TH.

I'M DEAD!!!!!!
I LOST HER BRACELET THAT HER MUM GAVE HER.
I WAS SUPPOSED HELP HER PUT IT ON.
BUT INSTEAD I LOST IT.

HAIZ.
WHAT A DAY TODAY.
SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT SAFE.
BUT I DIDN'T.

TIRED.
i want to sleep now.
no mood to even celebrate HARI RAYA this year,
and also in the YEARS to come.

today needs to go my UNCLE's and AUNT's houses.
i then need to bring my laptop along.
haiz.

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

how am i supposed to tell you what i feel???
i cant do it.
i need you so much,
more than anyone can thought of.

im sorry if i had neglected you so far.

just enjoy your trip there and dont think about me as it may ruin your day or even your stay there.


i will take a step back and will never disturb you any longer.

am i scared???
am i worried???
am i jealous???

what am i exactly feeling inside, i dont know.

but i just got to trust her.
that's all i can do right now.
IT's THE BEST I CAN DO.

keeping mum


PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOE AND SEE WHAT YOU FEEL



this year is the year of DEATHS in my family.
so many people died from this family.
my mind is not stable.
with all the problems around me.
2 deaths happen 1 day conscutively.
and there was a previous death before this.
it really ruins my mind.

innalillahiwainnailahirrajiun.

so many occurence can really happen within a week.
its painful and heartbreaking.
let me keep it to myself.
...................................................................
to: anyone concerned.

chill, i'm sorry.
i dont pity myself, but the ones around me.
so many painful and heartbreaking incidents happens within last week and till now.
happenings that happens both within and outside the family.
sorry if i sounded cruel.
but im sorry.
PEACE.
....................................................................

for all you know my mood is tarnished.
dont do anything to cheer me up for now.
i really cant do anything.
but do what you can do.
i wont blame you if anything unwanted happens.
..................................................................

First of all, i would like to thank the people that showed their concern.
appreciate it lots.
especially Kak Shida.
you have done a lot for my family.
THANK YOU.

thanks to syahirah,
you have been a good friend indeed.
next time if you have problems do tell me, ok?

thanks to my dear,
you have really been my backbone in the worst and critical moments.
you have really been a good girlfriend.
love you lots.
.............................................................................................

next, i would like to blog about today.
DAMN!!!!
.............................................................................................

TO: KNEE BRAIN.
stop looking around, it's you.


i was supposed to send her, her external HARD DRIVE.
she even told me to go to her class later.
i agreed.
then, i had to drag fyan and shuyi along with me.

i am already GOD DAMN sick and waiting for the PERFECT time to faint.
and both shuyi and fyan had to rush for their meetings with friends and god sis respectively.

i then waited for both of them at W3 vending machine.
then we made our way to her class.
but the shortcut through the library was closed.
damn.
we then turn back using the long way.
i was running out if breath but i perserved.
and shuyi told me not to faint.

when we reached her class,
to our dismay, she was not in class.
and when called, she was at her friend's house.
i was like "what the hell?"
but i was lazy to argue as i was really sick.
pity both fyan and shuyi who had to follow me even though they are rushing elsewhere.
haiz.
.............................................................................

bi, i love u.
dont worry about me,ok??
i am going to be fine.
muaxie!!!!!!!
............................................................................

that's all folks

i do think i need a rest now and eat my medicine.
have a gd nyte people.

TATA TITI TUTU.

i seriously i need to mature.
i need to be a good son and brother.
a responsible son and also a brother who leads by example.

i need to take over the job that i had given to my younger sis.
the job that i abandoned since i was 4 years old.
i have not been a good brother.

everyday, i remembered , she will lead me to the toilet in the =middle of the night.
but that was when i was 4 years old and she was 3.
haiz..
there are many examples but i lazy to type.

i want to be matured so as not to burden the one i loved.
.....................................................................................

i just got a news.
my mum is suspected to have kidney failure.
haiz.
what exactly is happening?????
then was my sis, now my mum.
i just cant think straight now.
i dont know what to do.
.......................................................................................

thats the reason i need to grow up unlike someone i know.
........................................................................................

to: my dear,
i love you and will treasure you.
i promise i will try not to hurt you anymore.
.......................................................................................

Labels: i need to MATURE

after school went to meet up as usual.
but only 3 of us survived the ordeal.
haha.
me, mast and fyan are the survivors.
we went too the MAC at the civic centre.
break our fast together.
we talked, joked and not forgetting bitching.
haha.
it was fun after a long time without their jokes.
and the jokes shall be remembered by me and not shared to you.
..............................................................
BREAK is important.
haiz.
i love her so much.
day and night i kept thinking about her.
she looks cute when she ties her hair.
never dreamt she looked that cute with her hair tied.
..............................................................
i am dying without you or your SMS.
but i shall endure.
i hope this is going to end soon.

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
muax!!!!!

my life changed ever since i joined RP.
RP changed me from a cheerful into a moody guy.
i dont know what happen to me these days but i just get angry.
no matter who,when,how,why,what.

i feel that i am getting pathetic as days pass.
my life has turned into a cage.
stuck in a word, immobolized.

i am now keeping it all,the feelings.
i am still holding on, keeping cool.
.........................................................................

she called me yesterday.
talked for 2 hrs.
maybe.
but to the end, i just give a cold shoulder to her.
i am acting cold towards her.
i dont know why.

maybe i was angry at her.
i felt i was neglected when we are talking.
haiz.
nvm.
i understand.

i just felt that i am being pessimistic.
i was just confused.

my mind is blank right now.
.......................................................

i love u.
never once i thought that i would hurt you in such a way.

i promised that i will change.
wait till 6th nov 07.

till then ,
CHAOZ....

YOURS TRULY,
FIFIe
......................................................

to: blogger

i wil blog to you when im nt bz.
aitez?

gtg.
to mend myself and make amendments.

Labels: RP changed me